Thursday, August 19, 2010

On a Personal Note

I was debating back and forth today about whether or not I should blog about my personal life and found it to be a huge struggle.  I can't recall ever being the subject of anything I've ever written, except for the writing assignments I had in junior high school which routinely featured less-than introspective accounts of my summer vacation.  The issue that has caused me to break with tradition is the absence of my boyfriend.  He is in the Canadian Navy and he is currently on a two-month sail to exotic destinations.  This sail isn't really plaguing my thoughts because it is the appetizer for the six-month sail which is scheduled for the spring.  Though he has been in the navy for almost two years, the longest that we have been apart has been three weeks and during that separation we spoke every night.

I think that what bothered me most about his sail was the lead-up.  I knew his departure wasn't going to be pretty and it did not disappoint.  I tried my best to get my crying over with while he was in the shower, but he saw through my thin veneer of poise.  Poise was the last thing I was capable of in that moment.  What upset me was not just the fact that I wasn't going to see him for two months because I am confident that I can do two months standing on my head.  The thing that really bothered me was that this time is going to be the first major test of our relationship.  My boyfriend was in the navy and committed to a contract before I came along and I had a small idea of what I was getting myself into when we started dating.  It will only truly dawn on me the sacrifices I will have to make when I am in the midst of a long sail and the loneliness sets in.

For now I am only at the beginning of a baby sail and it doesn't seem so bad.  Being in the apartment by myself feels weird, that is the best way to describe it.  I'm still at the stage where I'm almost expecting him to walk through the door and tell me that his sail has been cancelled.  At the moment I'm keeping myself busy with all of the little projects I've cooked up with the sole goal of expending excess energy.  By the end of his sail I expect that the apartment will be unbelievably clean and I will possibly have used my elliptical for something besides hanging laundry.  Hopefully that sentence convinced somebody.  Meanwhile I will deal with my mother's unwanted helicopter parenting, missed holidays and unpleasant reminders of my life as a single woman.  Fortunately I have many people and things to to provide me with adequate distractions and will try not to lose sight of the fact that I am a lucky girl in every way that matters.  Who happens to have one of the best libraries in the city and access to horrible reality television.    

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